Losing Control

"I have found that a number of sick people do not wish to get well at all. In fact, their whole identity is BOUND up in being sick, and they are literally afraid of the changes that would take place in their life if they were made whole."- Jack Deere

 This quote hit me at the very center of my being.  

I was a sick person, and my identity was false.

I know the type of fear the quote refers to: the fear of change. 

 It's the fear of losing control of your life.

BUT...

That's EXACTLY what we are SUPPOSED to do! 

In the Bible, Jesus says,  

 "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life because of me will find it."

For pretty much my entire life, I have tried to control everything.  

Situations.  People.  Emotions.  Everything. 

It was so difficult and tiring planning and scheming and trying to come up with the best possible solution to all of life's problems. It was my nature.  Problem was that I was actually pretty good at it.  Ever since I could remember, I would think and plan, think and plan.  Most of the time my plans worked.  If they didn't, if I failed, I took my knocks, picked myself up, and figured-out a way to get the results I wanted the next time around.  My tactics would change, and I would usually get the result I desired.

Every single time I did this, I would gain a little more control of my life, but I became more and more unsatisfied as I went along.  Good enough was NEVER good enough!  I always looked for more.  Little did I know that every time I looked for more, I actually would lose a piece of myself.  I became more and more conformed to the image of this world. I was confident. I was successful.  I looked like I knew what I was doing.  Nothing and no one could stop me.  

The biggest problem of having control of everything, is that you wholeheartedly believe the lie that you have control of everything.  This is sick thinking, and it will lead you to become a sick person.  I say this from experience:  I became the sickest person I know.  

God was the only one who could heal me.  He's the only one who could make me whole.  He broke down every stronghold I created.  He shined light on every dark lie I believed.  He freed me from my old ways of thinking.  I began to lose control of my life.  Which may sound horrible, but in reality my life has never been more amazing or fruitful.  I didn't just lose control, I gave Him control of my life! When you truly surrender your life to God, He will do things that you cannot begin to even imagine!  I wish I could go into great detail about all of the things He has done recently that have taken my breath away in awe, but that list would be endless.  Just take my word for it...I'm serious...

 Lose all control, and give Him your life. 

You won't regret it.  I promise.