He will lead me to still waters...

One of the biggest changes in my life happened two summers ago.  I had spent a whole week serving on a team during a 220 Youth Leadership Conference.  My job during the conference was to pray.  That might sound easy enough, but it was definitely out of my comfort zone.  For those of you who don't know, prayer is work.  I was more physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted after that week than I ever had been before in my life.  (No, I'm not exaggerating.  I slept for about 14 hours straight when I made it back home after 220.)  Everything I did was behind the scenes and very personal.  This one week in the middle of the summer gave me the opportunity to face some big things in my life, one of which was my fear of the future. 

I was very concerned with what I was going to do after I graduate from Texas A&M.  Concerned might be putting it too lightly...I was horribly afraid of not finding an adequate job in today's economic recession.  Many of my recently graduated friends were unable to find work in their respective fields.  I feared that all of the time and money and blood and sweat and tears that were put into my education were going to be for nothing.  One of the few reasons I didn't volunteer to stay in Afghanistan (Yes, soldiers are given that option towards the end of their deployments.) was because I believed that I had a brighter future waiting for me back home in Aggieland.  I looked forward to being able to spend my time focused on studying (...and being a "normal" college student) when I got back versus working numerous "penny jobs" to pay for rent, food, and books.  In my bones, I felt like it was all going to be for nothing, and I was going to look like a fool.

Well, while I was at 220 I found a peace about the future I couldn't explain.  I knew that it had been resolved that God had it under control (I needed some reminding of that), and I needed to keep my heart and mind open to the wonders He had in store for me.  Two weeks after 220, a friend called me up and asked if I would give her a ride to church on Sunday.  I had to take a different route than I normally do to pick her up, and while I was driving down Highway 21 I saw a billboard for Still Creek Ranch.  I had never heard of this place before, and I am not one to typically pay attention to billboards as a go speeding past them while I drive a few miles over the speed limit, but this billboard stood out for some reason.  To be honest, I didn't think much of it.  My reaction was, "Huh, cool.  There's a ranch for kids out here somewhere." 

So, I went to church that evening and listened to my pastor tell a story about how he has learned over the years to listen to The Spirit when making decisions in life.  It was a good message, but my thought process was, "Man, I wish The Spirit would move like that for me.  To just know what you're supposed to do because The Spirit says so, that sounds great.  Life would be so much easier that way, I bet."  Well, when I got back home that night, the picture on the billboard would not get-out of my head.  Finally, I gave-in and did a Google search for the place.  As I read the information on their website, I started to fall in love.  I learned that the ranch had been founded to give foster children a safe and stable home environment.  The ranch had horses, show cattle, and other animals for the kids to work with.  I'm not very good with kids, but I know how to work with animals.  (My degree is in Animal Science.  I know animals from the inside-out, literally.)  I thought it would be a good idea to volunteer, so I found myself looking all over the website for the ranch's contact information. 

Early the next morning, I called.  (This is out of character for me because I absolutely HATE calling people and places I am not familiar with.)  A sweet woman by the name of Mandy answered.  Immediately something changed within me from simple curiosity to full-blown purpose.  When Mandy asked, "How can I help you?" I blurted out, "I think I am supposed to work for you!"  ...and then I kinda, sorta started to cry.  (I cry A LOT.  I hate it almost as much as calling people I don't know.)  Rather than hanging-up on this obviously crazy person, she invited me to come out to the ranch and talk to the director whenever I got the chance.  I waited a whole four hours before I got in my truck and started driving to Still Creek, and most of those hours were spent figuring-out what to wear.  (One more thing I typically don't do.  I usually care less about what I wear, but this time it mattered for some reason.  After hours of deliberation, I wore boots, jeans, a t-shirt, and kept all of my piercings in.  I wanted to go as myself, not some dress-up, polished version of myself.)

When I drove-up to what looked like the main office building, I realized I hadn't prepared myself at all for this.  I was walking in empty handed.  No resume, no credentials, no nothing.  All I had with me was this "God thing" that I knew I couldn't fully explain.  I was met with warm smiles as I walked through the front door.  "Hi, I am looking for Mandy.  We talked on the phone this morning."  One of the warm smiles belonging to a tiny woman erupted with, "Are you KD!?"  "Yes ma'am."  "We were just talking about you!  You came at the perfect time!  It has been hectic around here today, but I swear this place calmed down only ten minutes ago.  Hey, Mom!  This is the girl I talked to on the phone this morning who has been lead to come work for us."  The oldest lady in the room said, "Oh, well why don't we go to my office, and let's have a chat?" She motioned me towards a door.  I followed her and found a seat as she sat behind her desk and Mandy and another woman entered the room.  The thought, "Great. Three witnesses to my lunacy.  This is going to be awkward," floated through my head.  The lady behind the desk introduced herself as Margaret, the director of Still Creek Ranch.  "KD, I am glad you have come to us today.  Before we begin, I want to say a quick word of prayer.  Is that OK with you?"  "Yes ma'am." 

My insecurities melted away and were replaced with boldness and excitement as Margaret prayed.  When she was finished she simply asked me to tell everyone about myself.  I put it all out there.  All of it.  My experiences at A&M, in Afghanistan, and even my experiences at 220 spilled out.  At one point, Maragret brought everything to a screeching hault, looked me straight in the eye, and said, "KD, stop.  There's a small problem."  (Of course there's a problem.  I'm crazy.  Absolutely crazy.)  "The problem is not that you are supposed to work here, you are."  (Huh? What?  I don't get it...)  "I can feel the anointing.  No, the problem is that I don't know where I am going to put you!  Your experience and talents can be used all over this place!"  I just sat there.  Numb.  I had no clue what the appropriate response was supposed to be, so I just sat there in silence.  As if on cue, the quiet woman who I hadn't been introduced to jumped into the conversation and said, "Margaret, I need a teacher." 

My head spun.  I vowed, at a very young age, that I would never become a teacher.  My mother was a teacher, my grandmother was a teacher, numerous aunts and uncles on both sides of my family were teachers.  One thing I had always known was that I did not have what it takes to be a teacher.  I am not patient, I have always had trouble explaining how to do things, but the worst of all was that I feel strange being around young kids.  None of that adds-up to being a good teacher, but a quiet voice said, "Open your heart."  Before I knew it, I was being led out of Margaret's office by this woman who's name apparently was Danielle.  It also turns-out that Danielle was the principal at the small school at Still Creek.  As we walked through the building she told me that the school's purpose was to give the ranch kids the opportunity to excel in academics in a Christian environment.  The really neat part was how she introduced me to the kids and staff we encountered as we walked through the school building.  Instead of saying, "This is KD Page.  She MIGHT be working for us in the fall," she said, "This is KD Page, and she's GOING to work for us in the fall." 

The tour ended when we made it back to the office.  Danielle offered me a salary, room and board at the ranch once I graduated from A&M, and even medical benefits!  I was overwhelmed!  I told her I needed to take a little time and pray about everything.  I did just that, and three days later I was signing a contract to be a teacher at Still Creek Christian School.

That was two years ago.  I still look back and see how only God could make that happen.  I remember many nights staying awake wondering how He was going to use me (broken, messed-up, crazy me) to do His will.  After years of striving and working to do things on my own, He led me to a place of peace and purpose. 

He led me to Still Creek.